I ran my fingers through my black hair. It was cut short, but just long enough to be able to style. I took the time to select my favorite shorts and tight tank top. Then I headed outside. I stepped out onto the porch of my dad’s house. It was a nice, white-washed porch with a few lawn chairs set up for relaxing. My dad and I have been living alone since my mother left us when I was five. I rarely see Dad because he’s always either working at his car dealership or hanging out at bars and stripper clubs. Yeah, great influence. But I’m distracted right now. Across the street is Lillian Rush, the new girl on the block. She’s bent over the garden in front of the house, tenderly planting flowers and clearing out the weeds. It’s a hot day, so naturally, she’s in tight jean shorts and a rose pink tank-top. So hot. Oh so very hot. I was surprised how fast she let me get to know her. It was the first day and she already let me kiss her. It was a magical kiss and I couldn’t believe she was so. .”For a second I thought it was just me. Maybe I was just too dumb to figure it out. But I looked around the room and met incredulous stares from the other guys. Without question, all the men had been transported to the Twilight Zone. And the women to the Comedy Club.“ ... men are such pigs! ... I wouldn’t touch our mailman with a ten-foot pole ... that’s not a cock, it’s a mutation! ... who’d get a tattoo there? ... well, no wonder! She’s so coked up she couldn’t remember the lines with the script in her hands ... and clapped up to boot...”Thank heavens the abomination was as mercifully short as it was mercilessly bad. But all the women loved it. After a final rousing chorus of “Men are such pigs!” they trooped off together to the bathroom. The remaining six of us were left, simply staring at each other, with dicks and dignity wilting.The party resumed shortly thereafter. And the wait was worth it. The girls had all washed up and redone their makeup and hair. And Alice had everyone.
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